


One for the Gag Reel

by Kereea



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Multi, Spoilers, Star Trek: Into Darkness Spoilers, gag reel, revenge of the characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-13
Updated: 2013-07-13
Packaged: 2017-12-19 08:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kereea/pseuds/Kereea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Off the set, the characters of Into Darkness decide the gag reel just won’t make the cut without their intervention. Conclusion? Khan steals a camera, Spock Prime does the planning, and they have a very fun weekend.<br/>But do some of them have ulterior motives? Of course they do!</p>
            </blockquote>





	One for the Gag Reel

 “I’m just saying, I don’t think my dad quite gets that he’s the villain,” Carol said. “Well, one of the villains, I guess, but Khan knows he’s a villain and runs with it and…yeah, I’m not going home tonight.”

 “We’re having a poker tournament at Jim’s house,” McCoy offered. “Scotty and Chekov are bringing the alcohol and Uhura’s bringing the food.”

 “Sounds good,” Carol agreed.

 “Guys!” Kirk yelled, rushing in. “They’re not letting me and Spock do the funny accents for the gag reel this time!”

 “But that was hilarious!” McCoy said. “That and Nero’s ‘J. J. Abrams will die’ bit were the best parts!”

 “I liked the dance party bits too,” Sulu said.

 “And that bit where you were so happy you were drunk for a stunt,” Carol added.

 “Everyone loves a good gag reel!” Kirk cried, slumping into a free chair. “At this rate we just shouldn’t have one! I mean, they’re even thinking of dropping the take where Spock Prime reacts to Spock telling him about Khan with ‘oh shit’!”

 “The horror,” Khan said, rubbing the side of his head as he came into the green room. At the others’ looks he elaborated, “Fight test. Spock and I still don’t like each other.”

 “Take this seriously! Think of how viral a gag with Khan in it would be!” Kirk said.

 “Very,” Khan agreed. “And there will likely be one on the reel.”

 “Yeah, but what if it’s not an awesome one?” Kirk asked.

 “Frankly I’m still wondering when the subtext between you and Spock finally becomes just text,” Khan replied. He caught the fist Kirk swung at him, “Oh don’t get all defensive, we can all see it. Apologies, Uhura.”

 “Who do you think saw it first?” she replied, striding in with a somewhat-rumpled looking Spock. “Now, can we trust you two not to kill each other or do we have to make you go stand in corners?”

 Khan and Spock both looked mildly horrified at the idea. “Good,” McCoy said. “I’ve had enough of your macho shit.”

 “Guys, hello, possibly horrible gag reel looing over us?” Kirk said.

 “To be fair, we haven’t had as many funny takes this time,” Sulu said. “Except for Chekov sneaking in a ‘nuclear wessels’ line.”

 “We’re too professional, you’re saying?” Carol asked.

 “I wouldn’t go that far,” Khan mused.

 “Perhaps we should identify items fans would like to see in a gag reel and then attempt to replicate them,” Spock suggested. “I recall any emotional expression from me tended to be popular.”

 “And me getting hurt,” Kirk said.

 “We can definitely do that, you’re a pain magnet,” Khan said.

 “We’d need to film it,” Carol said. “And you know that one producer, the new one, doesn’t like us goofing around on set.”

 “I’m sorry, Dr. Marcus, have we met?” Khan said. “I’m an augmented super-soldier who once ruled a quarter of the Earth-”

 “In backstory,” McCoy cut in.

 “-do you think I cannot procure a camera, should it be needed?” Khan finished.

 “…Sulu, get Chekov, Scotty, and Keenser,” Kirk said, grinning. “Spock, go get Spock Prime, he knows stuff the fans love better than anyone. Khan: get that camera.”

 “My pleasure, captain!” Khan said, flashing a grin that would have been better suited for his interrogation scenes.

.o.o.o.

 Khan had several issues. One of which was that unlike his prime counterpart, he did not get to hang out with any of his crew, they were all just props, not full characters. MacGuffins, really. Khan Prime tried to be nice about it, but he’d made it rather clear that Khan was simply not as sympathetic without that.

 Jerk. Khan wasn’t sorry he’d helped Sulu and Sulu Prime dye the guy’s hair pink.

 He crept into the studio, abandoned by even the most dedicated of the tech crew. A long weekend, if he recalled, was scheduled due to the director’s friend’s birthday party tomorrow.

 He evaded security with care, looking for the best camera to use. Not one of the huge ones, no, too noticeable in public, too unwieldy for everyone but him and the Vulcans…

 Ah. One of the POV cams was of decent size, and meant to capture every detail. He looked around for something of similar shape to replace it with. Eventually he settled on a phaser and began a slow creep out of the studio.

Struck by a thought, he turned it on, “This is Khan Nooien Singh. You are about to be privy to the greatest off set reel of your lives, dear fans. And I swear by the end of this night Spirk will no longer be subtext, something not even my Prime Counterpart could manage. Enjoy, Trekkies!”

.o.o.o.

 “All right,” Spock Prime said. “Now, Mr. Scott informs me that we have a copy of most of the general outtakes?”

 “Right here—Keenser, put hotels on that now!” Soctty added.

 “Stop telling him to kills us in Monopoly, Scotty,” Kirk whined.

 “Relax. The red set isn’t landed on as often as you’d think,” Khan said.

 “What, you look up Monopoly statistics?” Sulu asked.

 “…Maybe,” Khan said.

 “Please tell me you’ll have your badass back when we’re filming the space jump,” Kirk said.

 “Shut up.”

 “gentlemen,” Spock Prime said sternly. “Now, let’s see what we have…

.o.o.o.

BOOP

 Chekov ran into a doorframe and fell over.

 “Russian down!” Khan called from across the set.

BOOP

 “No, no, no,” the Klingon said, interrupting Uhura. “Harder vowels. Harder. It is not an honorable death to be killed by fans in your sleep for misspeaking Klingon.”

 “Sorry, banged my head during that stunt landing,” she apologized.

 “Understandable. My first officer has a limp.”

 “Stop gloating that you’re the only one who gets to talk in the film!” one of the assembled soldiers yelled.

 Kirk could be heard laughing as Abrams yelled cut.

BOOP

 “Well, if it isn’t Captain James Tiberius—haha!”

 “Scotty, say the line,” Kirk sighed.

 “Tiberius!”

 “James Tiberius…?” Kirk prompted.

 “God that’s a horrid middle name!”

 “I know, Scotty. I know.”

BOOP

 “Mr. Spock.”

 “Other Spock.”

 Sulu started snickering.

BOOP

 “Did you ever come across someone by the name of Khan?”

 “…Shit.”

 “I do not believe that was your line.”

 “Yes, but I feel it was in character.”

 “Sulu, can you breathe?” Chekov asked as the navigator fell out of his chair, howling.

BOOP

 “Will someone get Kirk to stop laughing when Spock yells Khan’s name?”

 “My bad, my bad, it’s just funny!” Kirk said.

 “We will chloroform you if we have to!” Khan yelled from off set.

 “I think that would be illegal,” Spock noted. “Besides, it would be more economical if I simply used a nerve pinch.”

 “Cut!”

BOOP

  “You know, if we had a Tribble, why didn’t we bring it to use against the Klingons?” Kirk asked.

 Khan and a nurse started laughing as Bones sighed.

 “Cut!”

BOOP

 “Bones, what are you doing with the Tribble—oh god, we’re not going to have to deal with _more_ are we?”

 “Cut! Someone tell Kirk Prime to stop sending our Kirk the Original Series episodes during filming!”

BOOP

 “Bones, what are you doing with that Tribble?”

…

 “Bones?”

 “Damnit Jim, now I don’t remember! You’ve put us through twenty takes!”

 “I really can’t sit still this long!” Khan complained.

BOOP

 “Don’t agree with me Spock, it makes me very nervous,” McCoy said.

 “Why?” Spock asked. “Oh, darn it.”

BOOP

 “Don’t agree with me Spock, it makes me very—Chekov, stop texting! I can’t concentrate!”

BOOP

 “And here is where Montgomery Scott saves the day…I just said that out loud, didn’t I?”

.o.o.o.

 “Eh,” Kirk said, wiggling a hand.

 “We’ve done better,” McCoy said.

 “We can rectify this error,” Spock said simply. “I’ll assume you have a plan?”

 Spock Prime nodded, “Tell me, Kirk, how many speakers do you have access to?”


End file.
